2009 November | Permission to Peruse

Gone with the Wind

November 30th, 2009 at 2:42 pm / Amy Bennett / 9 Comments »

Our patio table umbrella was quite literally gone with the wind today. I found the umbrella like this in the yard. I must have caught it just after it happened.

I guess the wind was so strong it lifted it out of the table. In the meantime, it shattered the hole it was sitting in. Once I went outside, I could hear the glass continuing to shatter. I watched as one section fell through.

At that point, I grabbed my camera and caught the final demise of our patio table. See for yourself…

For those unable to see the video, here is the after pictures:

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Perfectly Imperfect

November 28th, 2009 at 7:36 pm / Amy Bennett / 10 Comments »

The people-pleaser and perfectionist in me does not want to post this. But alas, I feel like I should. I started it over a week ago and can’t seem to let it go.

Thursday I had my school dream. After some initial research, I found it it basically either meant I didn’t feel like I lived up to someone’s expectations or that I had a challenge in my life that I was anxious about completing.

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It’s no secret that I’m a perfectionist. I have a need to do everything the right way and do it to the best of my ability. And sadly I fail. A lot. And this weekend I found out about a particular incident where I had failed big time a long time ago. And I just couldn’t let it go. Even after a conversation and apology. I beat myself up over it. Over and over again. And then it brings up all the other ways I’ve failed. And we already know I was having a pity party about my weight and even though I joined the gym, I gained weight the day after my first day. And there were dishes undone in the kitchen. The playroom was a mess. I beat myself up over not spending enough quality time with the kids. It’s just how my mind works. I just can never, ever do enough.
I think I just know that God has big plans for me and I know Mom always just wanted the best for me and I just want so bad to live up to all that. I don’t want to regret anything or miss anything. But dear goodness, it’s exhausting especially since I fail so frequently at actually being perfect.

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Saturday night I had a headache and a big knot in my stomach. I couldn’t go to sleep. I waited until the house was quiet and knew I needed a moment with God. Only He can bring my body and mind to peace. So I went to sit in the living room and God said no, go lay face down in the middle of that mess in the playroom. So I did. And all I could say was I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry. I’m sorry I fail. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. And God, literally right in the middle of my mess, just spoke, “It’s ok not to be perfect. It’s ok, it’s ok, it’s ok. I know you’re going to fail. You have no other way to go. It’s expected. It’s ok not to be pefect.” It was such a relief. I just cried until I could not breathe. It just struck me for maybe the first time that God knows we’re going to fail. He isn’t surprised. And He isn’t going to strike me dead when I do. And it’s ok to fail and get back up and just move on. No need to beat myself up over it. It’s ok not to be perfect.

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I think God put me to sleep and woke me up whispering “It’s ok not to be perfect.” over and over. Because in between, I’d try to convince myself in another way that I wasn’t and how it wasn’t ok. How I’m supposed to be a Christian and I can’t mess up. But He would interrupt before I could even finish my though. “It’s ok not to be perfect.”

I’m not saying God says sin is ok because it’s not. But I am saying it’s ok if we do. Or even if it’s not a sin, just a stupid choice. Because guess what? God’s grace and mercy is big enough to handle it. If we screw up, it’s ok. He will use it for his glory and our benefit. He is always working all things together for the good of those who love Him. He cares about our heart. As long as we’re living for Him and trying, it’s ok not to be perfect.

Really.

It’s OK not to be perfect.

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The Sunday after I wrote this, our pastor talked about forgiveness. Honestly I don’t have much of a problem with unforgiveness. But near the end, he said we have to forgive ourselves. And it hit me like a ton of bricks. For as many times that I feel like I’ve failed, I have to let it be ok. I have to let myself off the hook. I have to forgive myself.

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And then the next day I believe it was Amanda blogged her pastor’s sermon on the lineage of Christ and just how imperfect they were. In fact, the whole Bible is made up of a lot of people that screwed and royally and yet were used by God. The difference is they let themselves move past their mistakes. They were forgiven and forgave themselves.

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Yesterday, Carlos blogged about a 30 day challenge to get physically, spiritually and relationally fit. I’ve been working on the physical aspect but the spiritual one stood out. For months, I’ve been wanting to join Beth Moore’s scripture memorization group. And for some reason the first Scripture that jumped out that I should learn is Psalm 139: 14

I will praise You, I am fearfully and wonderfully made, all Your works are marvelous, and that my soul knows well.

This week I’ve almost gotten to the point I’ve been depressed just because of this imperfection and this verse spoke to me. I know in my head that despite my imperfection He still loves me and doesn’t want me to dwell on it. I remembered a suggestion Lysa Ter Keurst gave in her book Becoming More Than a Good Bible Study Girl: Living the Faith after Bible Class Is Over that you should concentrate on each word of a verse, let it soak in . So I pulled out the dictionaries and got a feel for the real meanings behind each word.

To start, I wondered what does that mean fearfully mae? Was He scared to make me? Fearful He might not get it quite right? The transliteration is actually yare. In the first entry, Strongs tells us it simply means to be fearful, be dreadful, be feared. But this second one hit me hard: to cause astonishment and awe, to be in awe of. This whole time He’s been trying to tell me He delights in me (I don’t think I’ve blogged about this…it started back in August) and here it is again. He was in awe. of. me. when He made me. The last one hits even harder to inspire reverence or godly fear or awe. Can you just imagine? I don’t know how God puts a person together. But at some point he decided I was going to have brown hair and brown eyes and freckles and long legs and that I’d love to read and hate when people lie. And when he put all that together and made me, He was in awe. I just imagine me in His hands and Him looking at it in awe. His creation of me inspired awe. He delights in us and it started from the very second He made us. God is not just there for us to worship Him although this very verse talks of us praising Him but He is in awe of us. And sometimes, my friends, we need that to soak in way down deep to the very crevices our souls, the marrow in our bones. He is in awe of us.

Not only are we fearfully made, we are wonderfully made. It’s simple to say that means that He called us good. But it comes from palah meaning “to be distinct, be separated be distinguished”. Do not every doubt He has set aside each of us. He puts us together uniquely. There is a difference between each of us and not only that, we are separated from His other creations.

It says all his works are marvelous. From pala, that means wonderful, surpassing, extraordinary, beyond one’s power , difficult to do or understand. We are not chance. Man’s creation is marvelous, just as all His works are.

And we know that don’t we? We know that God’s works are marvelous. We stand on a mountaintop and know that God made it. That it was difficult. That He must be in awe of that. Why is it so hard for us to believe He is in awe of us like that? Don’t we realize he sits back and delights in us? That He calls us good and can’t wait to be in relationship with us? Because the mountains? They sure do look pretty but they weren’t made to be in relationship with Him. And He made each and every one of us so unique and so special. Enough to make Him in awe of us and He can’t wait to spend time with His creation. So even when we don’t feel it. Even when we feel imperfect. Even when we feel sad, depressed and lonely. He’s there. Sitting back in awe of us. Just waiting to tell us how much He loves us. How special we are. How unique we are. How marvelous we are.

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And so after all that, I know I’m not perfect. But I don’t have to dwell in that. I am unique. I am special. I am marvelous. So many before me were unique, special and marvelous and imperfect all at the same time. And knowing that gives me hope. Hope that when I’m not perfect that He can still use me.

It’s ok not to be perfect.

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Happy Thanksgiving

November 26th, 2009 at 9:41 am / Amy Bennett / 1 Comment »

Tuesday Lexi’s preschool had a small Thanksgiving program and dinner. The tables were decorated with apples made into turkeys and feathers where the children had written what they were thankful for. When we sat down, a mother that also goes to our church showed us where her son had said he was thankful for his little sister. She was almost in tears reading it. I was anxious to get Lexi’s, maybe she had said her sissy Emma or her Mommy. I should have remembered I was talking about Lexi…

Everyone at the table had a laugh and I complained I must be doing something wrong.

Then Tuesday afternoon Lexi got dressed back in her Indian costume and I walked by and saw her doing this…I had her reenact it for you…

Really NOT sure what lesson about Indians she got that from. I mean maybe they were talking about the other Indians.

But not to pick on Lexi! You know I’m thankful for my little Indian princess (Scott really does have Cherokee Indian in his family).

On a serious note, God once again has been so good to us this year and I’m so thankful!

And it just isn’t right without pics of Emma too! These are from her birthday party.

Happy Thanksgiving, Y’all!

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above

James 1:17a

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Cowboy Boots -The Result

November 24th, 2009 at 8:50 pm / Amy Bennett / 5 Comments »

So I did it. I love them. I also got a cute dress that I can wear with jeans or tights during the winter. And you simply can not beat $50 for boots. Yeah they’ll probably fall apart by spring but so will my decision to wear them as well.

See and download the full gallery on posterous

Yes, there are dirty towels on my floor and coloring pages on my door. Yee haw.

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Twilight Saga: Vampire Violence – Please explain

November 20th, 2009 at 2:41 pm / Amy Bennett / 8 Comments »

Heather and I were discussing this at 2:30am on the way home from the midnight showing….can someone please explain this reaction by a vampire when there is a threat? Why the claw? Don’t vampires BITE? Shouldn’t he be baring teeth or something? The only thing I could think is there getting ready to grab someone to bite them.

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New Moon – Favorite Details

November 20th, 2009 at 1:19 pm / Amy Bennett / 3 Comments »

Ok, yeah, I had to go back and make a list of all my favorite “little things” from the movie.

Edward quoting Romeo and Juliet
Jacob speaking Quileute to Bella. Oh my! I think that might have been my favorite line and I don’t even know what he said!! Someone tell me! I read somewhere Taylor is not telling anyone and there are only 4 people in the world that still speak Quileute. I hope we get a translation soon!
The end! I can’t believe they ended with Marry Me
Emmett’s comment to Edward about him dating an older woman
Eric crying during Romeo and Juliet
Mike telling Jacob and Bella he needed to go home
Alice saying I’ll be back when you put the dog out
Mike telling Bella she needed to put a little protein in there
Bella telling Edward to shut up
Edward saying you can’t trust vampires…trust me
Jacob crying in the final scene
Loved that they kept the months just after Edward left in

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New Moon Review

November 20th, 2009 at 10:23 am / Amy Bennett / 5 Comments »

The short version? New Moon was fantastic. It blew Twilight out of the water 100 times over.

The long version.

What I liked:

Chris stayed so close to the book. That by far is my favorite adaptation I’ve ever seen. He took all the best scenes in New Moon and then made any other subplots work around it. I recognized so much of the dialogue from the book and then there was other stuff that just made it better.
The movie was so rich. So nice to have that blue tint gone.
The acting was better. I was a little worried that the stuttering manic Kristen we saw at the end of Twilight would be all we saw of her this movie but I was wrong. She did a fantastic job. And all the supporting actors were fantastic as well. I was also a little worried about the werewolves but I felt like their acting was authentic. Even Quil and Embry were funny. Even Emily’s small part was great. And Harry! He was funny.
Charlie was amazing. He’s so funny and real.
The makeup and hair was so much better. I am in love with Victoria’s red curls!
I loved that the setting was the same. I guess I thought for some reason that her room might be different or the school or something. I don’t know. Even with all the changes, a lot of it still felt like Twilight, which was nice.
Edward’s sparkling was SO much better. I loved that one scene when they were taking them to see the Volturi and you got one small glimpse of his shoulder in the sun. I really felt like he glittered!
The cliff diving. So much more authentic than I thought it was going to be.
Bella learning to ride the bike. Loved that Jake still had a sense of humor.
The volturi. Especially Aro. He nailed his character. The fight scene was cringeworthy and even as an addition, was perfect.
The werewolves. They were AMAZING. Really. So, so, so realistic. I loved the color of Jacob. It was so perfect. And the way they fought. Everything. It was just how I imagined and even better.
Edward smiled! It was so good to see him and Bella happy. I know he’s a tortured soul and all but in the book he IS happy.
In fact, I loved all of the Edward/Bella interaction. I felt like we got to see Edward’s devotion to Bella, not just Bella’s.
JACOB!!!! Taylor Lautner KILLED this movie. Yes, he looked um, great (17, 17, 17) but his portrayal of Jacob was just amazing. Huge kudos to him. I loved the scene in the kitchen when they almost kiss. It nearly tore my heart out when Kristen chose Edward. Seriously, that tore me up much more than when Edward left Bella. I knew Edward was lying. But Bella? She means it. She’d pick Edward over Jacob any day and wow, Jacob loves her so much. And I love that Bella says she loves him but it’s just not enough and it broke my heart!

What I didn’t like:

First and foremost, the worst part of the movie was the stupid scene when Aro reads Alice’s mind and sees Edward and Bella running through the forest. Seriously? That’s how she knows Bella is a vampire? Dumb, dumb, dumb.
Makeup was a *little* sketchy. At one time I saw Edward’s hand looked a little dusty. Also the Volturi makeup was a tad weird for me.
Not a huge fan of the music placement. Seemed like good songs on their own but not entirely crazy about them in the movie.
The elevator ride to the Volturi. The music was really weird here, it was unnecessary screen time and it felt more like a ride down to the Spa.
I have to admit the kissing between Edward and Bella seemed a little awkward. Maybe that’s the point. Maybe Edward can never truly relax around Bella. But compared to Bella and Jacob? Sorry, don’t care for much screentime of them kissing. Boo.
Jasper still seemed odd in this movie.
Alice’s scarf and outfit in Italy was weird.

The things I didn’t like were very, very nitpicky. I just felt like Chris did an AMAZING job at sticking with the book. In fact, I would almost say that I liked this as much or even more than New Moon. Then again, it was my least favorite of the 4 so possibly some things that didn’t translate well on paper went over much better visually. I don’t know. All I can say is I’m extremely happy with the movie. I wish I could write down what I loved about every single scene and all the quotes that were so funny and moving. Maybe I’ll continue to do some posts about it just to get it out of system. In the meantime, I’m trying to figure out when to get back to the theater to see it again!

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Cowboy Boots: The Trend

November 16th, 2009 at 10:52 am / Amy Bennett / 10 Comments »

Yesterday I took a 16 year old to church with us. We’re good friends with her and her family. In fact, you may remember her as she’s the one we took with us to Disney this past spring. She had her big Sweet 16 birthday party Saturday night and on the way to church she was telling me she wanted to buy some boots with the money she got. I asked her what kind because you know I wanted to test my in-style-ish-ness and she’s planning to get a pair of cowboy boots and then those flat boot thingies that go to your knee with the straps around the top. Yeah, no idea what they’re called. I felt like I was at least a little on the right track as Scott had just mentioned last week he liked the new Cowboy Boot look and also Tami Taylor (Connie Britton) of Friday Night Lights always looks adorable in them as well.

So of course I had to do some research because while I’ve been vaguely familiar with the look, I wasn’t quite sure what kind of outfit to wear with them or what color to get. My only run-in with cowboy boots in the past have been the black fake-leather ankle-boot variety in the mid-90s and I daresay THAT would not work.

It was time to do some research. And where else do you look except the celebrities? Oh yes, I could go to the mall in the “big city” but that would require much more time and effort and well, I’d turn into those old people-watching stalkers with coffee sitting on the bench. This way I’m just a middle-aged celebrity stalker sitting in front of my computer. So here we go.

First and most popular seems to be wearing cowboy boots with a dress:

What I learned:

The dress should be cute and flowy or at least A-line and a few inches above your knee. The boots should be mid-calf and a mid to dark shade of caramel brown. Black is ok if you are wearing a black dress.

Next is similar but with a skirt:

What I learned:

That’s not the best outfit on Rachel but I did learn that red boots are ok. Also, you can go a little longer with the skirt but it should be very flowy.

Next is super short shorts:

What I learned:

I will not be wearing boots with an outfit like this. Although it is super-duper cute on them, I just probably should leave that alone. But the point? Wear the short shorts and the boots on the high side of your calf. Color doesn’t appear to matter. Who’s really going to be looking at the boots with shorts this short anyway?

Next is boots with pants:

What I learned:

We’re still tracking with the brown/caramel with some red thrown in and mid to high length boots. But in order to get this trend right, you need to wear skinny or close to skinny jeans and tuck the jeans into the boot. Wear a cute, longer top and layer it with a jacket if it’s cold.

Next up is patterns:

What I learned:

Do not do patterns unless you want to look ~~unstable~~ ~~eclectic~~ ~~bad~~ or you are Taylor Swift and you are on tour.

So in summary, since we are going into winter here, I’d recommend either caramel or red boots with your skinny jeans tucked in. Or, if you are feeling like you can brave the cold or are having 75 degree weather in November, go for a skirt or dress and layer with a sweater or jacket!

And I’m not sure why I did all this research because when I asked said 16 year old what to wear with them she said a high-waisted flowy skirt or tuck them into your jeans. I should have just listened to her. *sigh*

*Update*

After a little more research at my favorite shoe retailer, Nine West, it looks like they’re going a little shorter for boots this winter but still are saying tuck your jeans or even leggings into them!

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Fall

November 14th, 2009 at 4:38 pm / Amy Bennett / 1 Comment »

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Tea Party

November 14th, 2009 at 4:28 pm / Amy Bennett / 2 Comments »

And no I’m not talking politics! The girls had their combined birthday tea party with their friends last night. They had 7 friends join them at the Celebration Cottage at Miss Libby’s for crafts, dress-up, tea and of course cake and presents! This was a great birthday year. All the girls were old enough to be left without parents and had a blast together on their own. You can imagine that 9 girls 5-7 would be almost uncontrollable in a full room of dresses, shoes, gloves, wands, fans, hats and purses. And an entire other room with jewelry, make-up and hair accessories. And while they were somewhat controllable, they were pretty excited.

The only downside I saw about the whole night is none of the kids seemed hungry so actual tea time was probably the least interesting to them and also my camera died right before the cake! I did what I could though. In the interest of the The Internet I picked some pictures where the other girls’ faces weren’t in full view. We still got some decent ones to share!

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Skipping and Adopting

November 13th, 2009 at 11:22 pm / Amy Bennett / 5 Comments »

I just remembered a dream I had last night. And I know it’s boring to hear about others’ dreams unless you’re in them but here we go.

I have this recurring dream that I’m in college, I forget a class and then the exam comes, I’m reminded somehow of the class and then I freak out when I don’t know any of the answers because I haven’t been in class for weeks. I worry about how I forgot, where the class is and how to catch up. I don’t think I ever find out how it turns out.

Last night I had the same dream except this time I purposely didn’t go to class. And also, I was in high school. When I went back, my friends wondered where I had been and I couldn’t remember my locker and couldn’t remember the combination to the locker. I also couldn’t remember the layout of the school or where my classes were. I remember desperately trying to find a map of the school. I think I had to go to the office to get a print-out of my class schedule so I knew what to do, which is similar to my original recurring dream.

Seems the main changes are that I’m purposely failing vs. just forgetting and that I’m younger.

In other dream news, I had a dream this week that two parents gave me a baby and I was holding her, I stepped forward a few steps and when I turned back around the parents were gone.

I doubt all this means that I’m going to go back to high school only to purposely skip class and adopt a child. That first one always makes me wonder its meaning though because of its frequency.

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TGIF!

November 13th, 2009 at 10:41 am / Amy Bennett / No Comments »

I’ve got lots of good news today . Let’s start with this lovely screencap. Two of my favorite Idols EVAH made it to the Gorgeous Guys list from the CMAs this week.

And speaking of Danny Gokey, I found out this week he will be at Coyote Joe’s (a country bar) in Charlotte in a month. I’m ecstatic. I haven’t been to Coyote Joe’s in over 11 years. Before that, it was mine and Scott’s weekly go-to place. Well, multiple times a week really. Too bad I didn’t blog back then. I’m sure you would have loved to see video of us couples’ line dancing.

In seriously serious good news, I found out my contract at work got extended for the next year. The sort of bad news is they’ve already told me I will not be extended after that. So basically I have 59 weeks of work left.

I attended my first cycling class in almost two years last night. It was fabulous. I knew I was in the right class when the first song was Paper Planes from Slumdog Millionaire. I feel great today, no muscle soreness at all.

Tonight is the girls’ birthday tea party with their friends. It’s the same place they went a few months ago so it should be a good time.

Our Friday Night Lights podcast (go Subscribe!) has been picked up by a distributor which basically means they host and manage it for free and put ads in it and we both make money. Yippee!! And why aren’t you watching the show yet??

All good news from my world…TGIF!

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Lexi-ism

November 12th, 2009 at 1:33 pm / Amy Bennett / 2 Comments »

I sit down beside Lexi who is playing games on the computer and she holds her hand up in the stop position and says: Mommy. School did NOT work out good. No playground. No gym. And look (throwing her foot up on the table) my feet aren’t long enough.

Sent from my iPhone

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My Not-Quite Minute on TV

November 11th, 2009 at 11:54 pm / Amy Bennett / 4 Comments »

I’m so determined to post this tonight. This is the 3rd night I’ve tried to post it. Monday was my big debut for One Tree Hill. I was pleasantly surprised to say the least the amount of scenes that made it into the episode that I was in. I think Scott counted 7. BUT that still doesn’t amount too much. I put together a video of all the clips where I could see me and the whole thing is only 49 seconds. So yeah, I didn’t even get a minute on there. But hey, for an extra, that’s not too shabby.

I was SUPER DUPER excited (read: screamed like an idiot) when I got in a great shot with Stephen Colletti, who you might remember from The Hills as well, at the bar. So I’m not going to force you to watch the show if you don’t already. I put together a video and also grabbed all the screencaps I could find.

The pics:

May I just say here that I wore my 3” heels for HOURS and then we filmed this towards the end of the second day and I have my flip flops on!!! 49 seconds. And I have flip flops on.

I was talking to a person here. I barely knew her and we weren’t actually talking. We had to pantomime the entire conversation. So all the background noise you hear in this scene is added in later.

The caption should be “DER”. What IS that face??

OK back to my cool pantomiming.

Also for the dancing…we had to dance without music. Thank goodness they just showed a little bit of swaying! This is one of the first scenes we filmed and definitely most awkward.

This picture kinda makes me want to puke but whatevs. I’m talking to my friends Kim and Jami. It was fun! Actually, no, pantomiming after 24 hours is kinda NOT fun.

Still pantomiming way in the back. We had a “conversation” that the bar was getting boring and we decided to hit up another bar. This is the scene I was actually wearing my heels and had to get foam put on the bottom because I was too loud.

See the full set of screencaps here

The video (there is no sound):

So yay! My face is in OTH forevah!

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Post Pity Party

November 11th, 2009 at 10:27 am / Amy Bennett / 1 Comment »

After my pity party post yesterday, I pitied myself some more and then read a few blog posts about the latest Compassion blog trip and then my sister in law got put in the hospital and I woke up to Veteran’s Day and I just did one of those get over yourself pep talks.

So I think I’m going to join the Y again. I know I enjoyed it while I was there and I eat better when I’m exercising and I really should be more concerned about my health and I’ll never forget that I dropped my cholesterol 30 points when I went last time so yeah, I’m going to do it.

I just realized this whole post has only been 3 sentences so far. Can you tell I just drank a latte?

So while I enjoy my day off and probably go join the Y, pretty please go follow the folks that are blogging from El Salvador: Kelly, Heather, Molly, Keely, Shuan and Patricia. And then go sponsor a child and we’ll all make a few lives a little better today.